Real Steel Review

Year: 2011
Rating: PG-13
Runtime: 2 HR, 7 MIN

Director: Shawn Levy
Starring: Hugh Jackman, Dakota Goyo, Evangeline Lilly, Anthony Mackie, Kevin Durand, Hope Davis, and James Rebhorn

I’ve always wanted to like Hugh Jackman ever since he slashed his way onto the big screen in 2000′s X-Men as the ferocious Wolverine. Unfortunately the success that he found with that role has not translated into much critical or financial success outside of the world of X-Men.  He’s tried his hand at R-rated action film, artsy sci-fi dramas, romantic comedies, historical epics, and even “sing-along” CBS shows about Las Vegas so the next obvious choice for him to take is to do a film that essentially looks like a big budget version of
Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots but in reality is only an updated version of three, count ‘em, three Sylvester Stallone movies.

In the not so distant future the once “dignified” sport of boxing with human combatants has been replaced by robotic boxing.  Our antihero, Charlie is a down on his luck consistent loser when it comes to robot boxing.  He’s a former professional boxer that had a lot heart when humans still boxed but now is just barely treading water trying to stay afloat with the crummy robots.  Just as Charlie hits a new low he gets another bit of bad news; his “baby mama” died expectantly (no further explanation given) and he is to appear at a custody hearing concerning his son, Max whom he doesn’t know.  Max’s aunt wants desperately to raise the boy and her and her husband are flush so Charlie, being the scoundrel that his is, makes a totally legit deal to “sell” his son to them unbeknownst to Max’s extremely dim aunt so Charlie can buy a new robot.  From there we have some cringe worthy back an forth between the arrogantly ridiculous Charlie and the wise beyond his years Max.  After watching Charlie fuck away his new robot by being a complete jagoff they go dumpster diving for a new robot, Max has a near death experience, and they find “Atom” who turns out to be an early generation sparring bot that Max wants to clean up and start fighting to help dear old Dad.  From there we head on the road with Charlie, Max, and Atom as they work their way up from back alley fights to the MEGA-SUPER-AWESOME Robot fight against the unbeatable Darth Vader-bot.

“The force is with you, young Skywalker, but you are not a Jedi yet.”

 As you might recall I mentioned that Real Steel is the combination of not just two Stallone films but actually three, let me break it down:  

• Let’s start with the often forgotten Stallone classic Over the Top where Sly must reluctantly take his son from his ill mother and go on the road with in his semi-truck delivering not only dry goods but also ass kickings at the truck stop arm wrestling competitions.  Over the course of their journey father and son develop a strong bond and the little tike inspires his Dad to go Over the Top and win the world championship.
• Now we’re going to dive into some more familiar Stallone territory by entering the Rocky franchise and “borrowing” mainly from Rocky & Rocky IV.  The Rocky IV influence stems from the unbeatable robot’s (Drago) owner & designer who would be best described as the Brigitte Nielson and Soviet Stooge characters right down to them both having accents and saying that he is unbeatable blah blah blah.  Without giving too much away the original Rocky influence comes in the form of the robot being black like Apollo Creed… I’m joking… but the robot is black.  Seriously though the biggest Rocky influence comes in form of its climax.
• There’s also the obligatory Rocky‘esqe training montage which seems strange considering the robot should already know how to box since he’s a boxing robot and I don’t think he’s going to get into better shape since… HE’S A FUCKING ROBOT!

In 20 years I might be able to go back and re-watch Real Steel and have an absolute blast on a “it’s so bad, it’s good” level but I thought the film was dreadful.  Every time Hugh Jackman get’s excited and smiles I’d sit farther back in my seat and cringe.  Watching Jackman get all pumped up and enthusiastic was as awful as watching Robert De Niro cry; it’s just miserable.  I feel embarrassed for him because he’s shown he’s better than this dreck where he’s forced to overact and gets upstaged by robots.  Equally cringe worthy is the Aryan poster child Max who must have studied the works of Jake Lloyd (Anakin Skywalker, Star Wars Episode I) on how to be an obnoxious brat.  Max has a mind of his own and brow beats Charlie into doing his bidding, he also shows a knack for fixing robots and is an accomplished dancer (don’t ask).  Haven’t screenwriters gotten tired of writing scripts featuring dumbass father’s with son’s that are both wiser and more mature than they are?  Max and Charlie clash early on as Charlie adjusts to life as a father.  All the while we’re constantly moving towards the predicable moment when Max has to go back with his Aunt and Charlie (against all odds) fights not with his fists but with his heart to get him back.  There’s also a “compelling” storyline between Charlie and his on again, off again girlfriend, Bailey (Evangeline Lilly) who’s father was Charlie’s former trainer.  Evangeline Lilly has an amazing body but just like on LOST her acting comes up a bit short and my question of “I wonder what’s she’s been up to since LOST?” was answered quite quickly… not going to acting classes.  There are a few other forgettable characters like Max’s aunt & uncle (boring), the token black guy who of course is constantly taking bets on the robot fights (cliché), and the unscrupulous redneck that Charlie owes money to that turns out to be a bit of a racist (bigger cliché). 

“Bullshit. You didn’t convince me. let me see your REAL war face!”

With all this melodrama between father and son, etc. you might be asking yourself, “What about the robot boxing?”  Don’t worry there’s plenty of bloodless bloodsport featuring the robots kicking the shit out of each other and on one occasion livestock.  There’s actually a scene involving a robot fighting a bull where the robot actually punches the bull in the face.  I’d really like to think if our society has access to giant fighting robots we won’t put them in ring with bulls, I’m surprised Peta hasn’t already complained about the depiction of animal abuse in a movie aimed at children and teens.  The effects used for the robots were decent; they looked slick for the most part but I never felt like they looked like they had the right amount of mass or weight in the real world if that makes any sense.  Once Atom gets activated Max becomes infatuated with him and the film briefly touches on whether Atom is sentient or merely imitating his new owners.  Nothing ever comes of this however and it’s one of several subplots that are briefly introduced but never gets any resolution.  The core audience of preteen boys that Real Steel is going after might find a themselves enjoying the film and feeling some emotional attachment to Atom but I didn’t feel anything for him at all.  I also think it’s a little odd that Max seems to love the robot but then puts Atom into these gruesome fights where Atom could be destroyed.  It’s like me loving my dog and then turning around and putting him in a dog fight and hoping he comes out alive.

Aside from the recycled plot, the often cringe worthy performances, and the robots that I could never care about my biggest gripe is with the advances of technology and constant ad whoring… I mean ad placement that pollutes Real Steel.  This movie supposedly takes place in the “near future” where technology has reached the point where we have fighting robots that follow voice commands and in some cases can shadow box but a lot of the technology seen else where in the film looks like something you could see walking down the street right now.  Real Steel features regular old Dr. Pepper machines and cans sporting the current logo, cell phone technology has advanced only to the point where your phone is essentially a semi clear piece of touch sensitive glass, and semi trucks have windows by the feet of the driver with windshield wipers… because the windows you don’t/can’t see through need windshield wipers.  We see ads for a Xbox720, the Bing search engine sponsors an arena, HP, which is trying to get out of the PC business right now, will be making virtual reality tablets to control robots in the near future and that’s just the tip of the iceberg.  There were so many corporate logos I eventually lost count and while corporate sponsorship is nothing new in films I thought this was one of the more shameless examples of over sponsorship since 2007′s Transformers.

I’d be remiss not to mention who directed Real Steel; the one, the only Shawn Levy!  If you don’t know who that is then you’re doing something right when you go to the movies.  Shawn Levy is the director of many cinematic abortions such as Big Fat Liar, Just Married, Cheaper by the Dozen (2003), The Pink Panther (2006), Night at the Museum, Night at the Museum 2: Electric Boogaloo.  This guy is a hack, a hack that has made some studio suits very happy but a hack all the same.  His direction of Real Steel is confident enough and this might be his best movie to date but looking back at his previous films that’s not saying very much is it?

If you promise not to take me to Real Steal I won’t drop your keys in the sewer.

I didn’t hate Real Steel; it’s certainly not the worst movie of year and probably won’t be the worst movie I see this month but it leaves a lot to be desired.  Kids and tweens might get a kick out of the action but I think most adults will be bored because if you don’t care about the characters or who’s fighting you’re just left with special effects beating the shit out of each other which isn’t a good enough reason to watch this film.  I’m going to make a prediction now and say that despite the fact that I think this movie borderlines on shit it will be a decent box office success and will spawn a sequel before we know it.  Please prove me wrong America.